Life in General

How To Break Up Without Getting Divorced, Part 5

From June 3, 2010-

Mr. Possible and Mr. One-And-Only 

Now that you know about three types of alternate realities that can blind lovers’ eyes with rose-colored scales, how do you increase your chances at meeting Mr. One-And-Only? 

My advice: Make a list. Starting at the top, write down every single characteristic you expect your husband to have. Ok, anything that has to do with physical features is important, however, keep in mind that when he’s like eighty, you’re still going to be married to him whether he’s hot or not but there will have been like sixty-some-odd years in there that you will have had to put up with him. So, I suggest you stick things like morals, ethics, ambitions and personality traits in front of physical characteristics. (Also, think of it like this: If you were to go blind, what would you want your husband to be like?)

Having said that, let me suggest that you start your list with religious values. I know that may sound extremely bland and, quite frankly, dangerous, but keep this in mind: If you were to die, would you want your husband to take your kids to church? If you look at it that way, it doesn’t sound half as crazy.

Now, add things like what his beliefs are on certain topics, how he treats his mother, will he lead prayers in church, and other really good stuff.

Then, be sure to include things like, “Must have dazzling hazel eyes and chocolate-colored skin,” or whatever floats your boat, lady. (But keep in mind that those things aren’t deal makers or breakers.)

Go on, now. Finish your list and come back when it’s done…

Now, take that list and put it on your fridge. Or text it to yourself. Or tape it up on your rearview mirror. Or tattoo it on your eyelids. Do whatever you have to do to keep it in your line of sight so that when you see the next Mr. Possible, you don’t forget what you’re looking for.

Now go out and meet Mr. Possible. You know who I’m talking about. He’s a single, available man that you might potentially want to possibly date at some undetermined time in the vague future. And, while you’re looking for Mr. Possible, let me make some suggestions. First, only date a guy whom you might marry. If he’s clearly not husband material, why bother?

Wait a minute, sister! Date only the guys you’d consider marrying? Whoa! That’s gonna be tough.

Why? You want to try new experiences? Fine. Go skinny dipping in the Red River. Oh, now you want excitement? Fine. Take seven five year olds to Chuck E. Cheese. Now you want options? Read a choose your own adventure book.

But, seriously, I realize asking a female to only date guys she might marry is like showing a person a thousand brown paper bags and asking them to select which ones contains gold coins. It’s not impossible, but unrealistic. I understand. So, try your best, go get your mack on and come back when you’re done.

Ok, we’ll assume now that you’ve found a new Mr. Possible and, as it turns out, you might want him to be your Mr. One-and-Only. I’m incredibly happy for you… but let’s not start planning the wedding just yet.

Why, you ask?

Because you, my friend, are at the exact point in your relationship that your big sister, your great-grandma, your youth minister’s wife, your eighth grade math teacher and that crazy cat lady down the street (and me) all came to just before they said “I do”. And, they all inevitably followed it with, “I wish I’d known that before I married him”.

Or, did you forget that?

Mm-hmm. That’s what I thought. So, pull your head out of cloud nine and let’s get back on track.

How do you go from a young lady who’s bursting with love and pre-marital happiness to an old woman who’s been married seventyish years but has never said those nine dreaded words? (I wish I’d known that before I married him, that is.)

Easy: Use your lips for more than smooching and say a prayer. Say several. Evaluate your Mr. Possible according to your list. Pray some more. Take advice from old women who have been married for seventyish years. Do the investigating and spend lots of time with Mr. Possible. Pray a little more. Now, listen to God.

Come back tomorrow for the final topic in this series: What Not to Date

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