Depression, PTSD, Mental Illness

When We’re Vulnerable

I realize that in our vulnerabilities, by sharing parts of us that are private, we do more than just make ourselves vulnerable. We reach other people on a deeper level, one where we’re free to express our imperfections without judgment, where we can celebrate our triumphs (even small ones), where we can connect in a way that is more real and more solid than by simply sharing our lives on the surface.
I have the pleasure of doing this on a weekly basis at Celebrate Recovery. I’ve heard it said that CR is what church should be– and I have to agree. It’s people of all walks of life in all circumstances coming together and taking their masks off, allowing others to see them for who they really are, inviting God to resurrect the brokenness inside them. In all honesty, it’s restored things in my life that had been torn own, freed me from things that had become binding, and cultivated the growth of good things which had never taken root in the infertile soil of my life.
But it’s also helped me be more transparent outside of the two hours each week I spend there.
Publicly, I’ve shared my struggles with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as well as some failures along the way, like the time last March when I ran away from home for a night. Yes, I struggle with mental illness. Yes, I’ve made poor decisions in my life. Yes, I’m flawed. There have been so many times when I didn’t think healing would be possible, when I thought I couldn’t be fixed, when I struggled with the doubt that, though God could fix me, would He actually do it?
But guess what?
I now know there’s hope for me. Restoration is taking place right now in my life. Redemption is brimming over my once leaking bucket, spilling out all around me, watering dry sand and soil with promises of a plentiful and abundant growth.

No, I’m not fixed all the way. Praise God because He wants to do more than give me a bucketful of redemption and a small oasis in the desert. He’s got plans to fill a pond, a lake, a river with all the ways He’s going to redeem my life. And I’m ready for it. And I’m hoping for it. And I’m experiencing it right now.
Thank God.

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